So a while back my girlfriend mentioned I was very competitive. Now we play quite a few games often to spend time together, both with just us and with others, but I didn’t put too much stock in it at the time.
I tend to be a bit of a perfectionist, and whatever I do, I try to do my absolute best at, though I will sometimes put additional personal restrictions in place on things. For example, I prefer not to jump my dragoness’s pawns in parcheesi unless I’m forced to by the game not giving an out. Within that restriction however, I try to play it the best I can, and everyone else’s pawns are fair game.
The other night however, we’d recently found this Monopoly clone and were playing it a bit before heading off to bed. Unlike the first night, that night the dice were rolling well for me and not only did I get 2 full groups, I ended up through managing mortages(and a couple close calls) buying one out of every color group I didn’t fully control, This might not have been so bad, except it was just the two of us, and without considering it I’d totally blocked my GF from doing anything without buying or trading properties from me, which killed her interest in it, the the point that night where she was not wanting to ever play it again with me.
I felt horrible about it that night, but it made me recall her words before.
When you’re playing a game, typically you are playing to win to some extent, but just having fun can outweigh that; especially since in that example we were ultimately just playing around to have a bit of fun with a new game and kill time. While we were playing, since we weren’t chatting much I was looking at the board and thinking mostly in terms of the game, and planning ahead on my next step, rather than thinking about making sure she got to move forward too. My actual goals though were more to build out some areas for the achievements.
Anyways, making me think about all this also made me think back to WoW. I’ve been raiding for years, and for a while I was raiding with a casualcore group and what had kind of devolved into a more casual group, before it broke up because of the difference in opinion on progression value.
With the first group, we show up to kick butt, take loot, and push progression. If you screw up you’re letting down the team. You do your best for yourself and the team to do ever harder content, though we’re no world first guild, we do the best we can within our limits.
The other guild people were mostly going to kill bosses and have fun together, regardless of the progression. We weren’t getting anywhere compared to the other one because everyone was more casual about it and I had already found that sort of guild isn’t a great match for me, as I always tended to be progression-oriented, making the character grow in capability.
Those same traits that make me a good raider though, are what came back to bite us in the butt that night. When raiding seriously, competitiveness is good and encouraged, as it pushes you to increase your performance, especially as a DPS. Lord knows I compared myself often enough on the charts after fights with my other raid members! But it can be a detriment as well, when you’re trying to play a game more casually, but without the clues of body language and tone of voice, it’s a lot harder to tell when you’ve crossed the line if you don’t catch yourself first.
It is kinda funny though that I ultimately don’t care for PvP in most games, given that, instead preferring co-op, but then that’s probably my natural tendencies towards empathy and avoiding direct confrontation warring with those competitive tendencies to instead turn to co-op and comparisons.
That may be part of why I didn’t really consider it at first, as in my mind when I hear competitiveness, I also mentally tie in confrontation and being a direct opponent to someone rather than the way I normally go about things.
We’ve since talked about it and I’m going to restrain myself further where she’s concerned on that game as well. most of the other games we play are usually down to 90% luck, and less strategy, so they depend mostly on the luck of the die/draw.
That night she said “You are who you are” when I apologized again for “ruining” the game and to a certain extent she’s right; those traits have served me well in certain environments, but there’s a time and place for that, which is why I come up with additional restrictions to hold myself back. I’m just going to have to do it more proactively. I’m just glad that she knew that it wasn’t my intention, and she didn’t hold it against me at all. Not that I would ever expect her to, but past experiences with other girlfriends have made me skittish about things, even if only subconciously.
In other news, I’ve started playing WoW again, and the 3 month break was what I needed. I’m gearing up my druid for leveling after finding out about the new werecat talent, and I’m really hoping it turns out competitive DPS compared to the other two talents on that tier, so I don’t feel like I’m gimping myself for using it. I’m also working back through and upgrading my priest’s gear, and I should have it done in plenty of time as the release date now is November.
I also already requested release day and the day after off so I can binge-level this time too on at least one character. I’m looking at leveling 3 characters to cover all my bases in terms of professions, thanks to garrisons, and two of those are the druid and priest I’m already going to be leveling. I’m just going to have to re-find a balance point between WoW to progress my toons and SL to spend time with my dragoness, but that’s no different from any other guy who plays WoW and has a SO.
Ultimately, it is what it is though, and I wouldn’t give her up for anything. So priorities will adjust, as they always have, and life goes on.