Tag Archive for furry

Body Tension

Couple months later, and I actually have a topic to ruminate about again!  At least, something more than just art posts.

Last night for the first time in a while i experienced what I’m thinking of calling “body tension.”  It could possibly be considered a form of dysphoria, but usually when I’m encountering this, there aren’t any phantom sensations to go with it, so I don’t know if it really counts.

It manifests itself as a kind of restlessness. At least, that’s the best way I can think of to put it. When I’m feeling like this, nothing really satisfies me until I find a way to address this formless NEED.  It’s kind of like when you really, really need to go piss, but you don’t know where the restroom is and have to hold it and bear it or go looking for one.

As for the need itself?  Usually, it is a need to leave this body and manifest myself in another form. Typically, it’s been in regards to my dragon self – a need to BE dragon.  Second Life has often been an outlet for this in the past, as I can log in and, though it’s not a perfect representation, stroll around as my dragon self.

Last night, however, it was full-on chakat, partly triggered probably by a twitter post I made earlier in the day. I considered Second Life, as I do have a chakat avatar there(like with my draconic appearance, my chakat ‘sona originated from there as well) but the last time I logged on and looked around most of the furry-oriented places I knew no longer existed. I don’t know of any live chakat communities either… last time I looked I found a taur group on telegram, but it’s on and off active and tends to not have a lot discussed beyond art sharing.

This left me in not much of a good place in regards to dealing with it.  I considered pulling out a space game, since Swift is a pilot and I thought maybe getting into that headspace may help, but Freelancer didn’t feel like a good fit, and while I’ve been considering Elite Dangerous, I don’t have it yet.  Privateer 2 has the same issue as both of them also, where thanks to cutscenes and other things you have an obviously human avatar, which would be harder to ignore when you have a NEED to not be human. Resorting to some chakat-related, ah, “tension relief” helped a bit in the end though, which let me distract myself with ESO for a bit longer until bed.

When I got into bed however, actual dysphoria finally hit, at least mildly. Phantom breasts, forelegs and lower torso, even a bit of feline head, all at once.  The timing worked out though, since I was able to indulge in it before rolling over to completely go to sleep, and this morning things were back to normal.

I still find it odd, though.  As I’ve said in the past, there’s quite a few chakat qualities that I feel I lack, such as the fact I tend to pairbond in a draconic way when in a relationship, rather than go full poly like a typical chakat.  Male bits also don’t interest me(unless it’s mine, or I can picture mine in their place), and like my core dragonself, I parse myself as male. To be fair, Swiftwind heavily favors hir male side though due to this – though pilot ego/cockiness is also a factor.

On an amusing side note, even though I lean more towards Fluttershy’s personality in expression, art of my dragonself and my chakat both tend to smugness. Maybe if I hadn’t had some of the experiences I did as a child, I would be more inclined towards that?

Still, if I were allowed to choose a different body, and if my dragon body was not an option, I think I’d find the chakat body satisfactory, and still more desirable than my human one.  I’d just have to watch out for revolving doors and turnstiles, and get my car seat removed!

I do wonder if there was some part of me that did realize that shi was still a part of me before I re-accepted hir over the past year. Though I still refer to hir in the third person fine(while referring to my dragonself as something other than me feels wrong) I think there was a small irrational fear that shi could displace my dragon identity in much the way it led me to abandon my chakat ‘sona when I first discovered my draconity. That’s partly why I distanced myself from hir originally, and even gave hir a mate when I wrote her into a story, as I’d resisted doing this previously because I don’t like the idea of making up mates for something that’s a representation of myself when I don’t actually have one. That was partially how shi became a pilot too.

To come back around, this sort of tension doesn’t happen that often and usually doesn’t stick around for more than a day or so. I’m not super-attached to this body other than it being the only one I have, which is probably related.  After all, in my non-expert opinion dysphoria comes in part from when our mental image and maps of ourselves don’t sync up with the physical reality, and then our brain tries to merge the two which then gives the phantom sensations.  Same idea as how someone who loses a limb may still sometimes feel it there, as his mental image of himself still has said limb, even if it no longer exists. And I do know the me in the mirror is logically me, but emotionally it doesn’t feel like me.

That is one thing I found interesting about Second Life, is that some folk tended to use it to create an idealized version of themselves. Particularly with the human avatars, though there are others who would change avatars like they do clothes. Something like this, combined with VR if it can ever properly be harnessed, could lead to a good solution to address this sort of need or dysphoria when it can’t be addressed in the real world i.e. anything non-human.

Until then, we just have to live with it, I guess.

Werewolf of Gold

So I’ve had an idea bouncing around for a bit, regarding the Elder Scrolls Online werewolf, and my werewolf character in specific.

First, a bit of history – you can skip this if you want, as it’s mostly just to give an idea of where I’m coming from. When I started, I made my usual Khajit and Argonian characters, which covers two of the factions in ESO, but I needed something for the third one.  I also wanted to make a dedicated crafter, and due to the way the racial styles work and the rarity of it, I also wanted to make an Imperial character as that gives them the Imperial racial crafting style for free.  So I hit on the idea of making a werewolf to give myself a “furry” type character without paying to unlock the ability to make any race on any faction. Looking at classes, I jumped at the Templar class, as the idea of a werewolf paladin presented an interesting dichotomy.

Once I actually got my werewolf bite, I found out there was a timer on werewolf form, and it was fairly short at first, though I quickly maxed the skill tree out, which does add some extra time – usually enough to last through a boss fight at least. As a paladin archetype, I was looking at white and gold armor, and I wanted to get some armor that hinted at her status as a werewolf in human form as well, and there happened to be a crafting style available that does just that as well.

As I was looking at making basically golden wolf-shaped armor, that actually reminded me of another franchise I enjoy – GARO!

Garo is a Japanese live action series, that was originally aired at midnights and advertised as a “Hyper Midnight Action Drama.” It was very clearly intended for adults, and focused on a main character in our modern world who battled what were essentially demons with just his skill, his sword, and a set of golden mystical armor he could summon.  This armor is made from the same stuff as the demons(called Horrors), and he could only wear it for 99.9 seconds before it starts devouring him, body and soul. And it just happens to have a wolf motif.

I think you can see where I’m going with this.

The creator of Garo stated that he sees the armor as the equivalent of Ultraman’s Specium Beam – it is supposed to be a finisher. The main character will often fight without the armor until it is actually needed, and in one of the seasons it was literally used only as a finisher except when they had a real “boss fight” on their hands.  This actually mirrors how I treat werewolf form on my character – I only pull it out on bosses and tough fights, since it can only be activated as a “finisher,” which is another part of what got the gears turning.

In the Elder Scrolls universe, werewolves are considered a curse by the general public, though followers of Hircine(including PC werewolves who go through the questline usually) consider it a blessing. There’s a questline in ESO which talks about losing reason and the beast taking control, and they found their own unique way to address that.  The NPC involved in the quest seems to lose a lot of his reasoning capabilities, but the PC obviously never does, and at least in ESO you can still communicate with NPCs while shifted(though that could just be a conceit due to the fact it is a MMO).

The parallels just seemed to jump at me when I was driving, and  I could totally see her using the werewolf from the same way the armor is used in Garo, and the timer is actually there for a reason, to explain why she can’t just shift and stay shifted unlike other werewolves in ESO.  Like the armor has to be removed before it devours the user, she has to shift out to keep the Beast from fully taking control.

Now as I said, there are ways to extend the timer, and I can see ways for those to actually make sense as to why.

  • Devouring corpses – This can’t be actual devouring, as it works on mechanical things like Dwarven machines. (I know, gameplay > lore, but bear with me.) I see this as taking the “heart” to honor Hircine, and Hircine, being pleased by this, interceding to grant additional clarity and extend the transformation time.
  • Taking damage – I can see this as the pain is helping her stay focused.  Each stab of pain from the hits reminds me of who she is, and when she is not being hit, the bloodlust of the beast starts to grow again.
  • Running with other werewolves – Normally I don’t get to do this much, but this could be a similar thing to method 1.  All the PC werewolves are servants of Hircine, and when they run together this magnifies his power/presence, allowing them to control the beast for much longer, and extending more for each werewolf manifesting their wolf shape.
  • Feral Pounce ability – This one is the one I’m least clear on as to how it extends the shifting. Since you land rather hard, perhaps it’s just the shock of landing acting just like the pain from taking damage?  Or perhaps focusing on the target for a precise leap requires enough concentration that it pushes back the beast slightly.

Even being force-shifted out in combat makes sense, as in Garo the protagonists have had to shed their armor a few times when they’re still technically in combat due to the timer.

But just like the protagonist of Garo, as a servant of Meridia I see her as a “mamorishimono” or “one who protects” as the translation goes. She honors both Daedra, acting under Meridia’s auspicies to serve the Light, but using the methods of Hircine in his aspect as the Hunter.  I don’t know if there is a lore explanation for the limitations on werewolf form in ESO, but the above approach is my headcanon now on why it works for her the way it does.

Where there is light, shadows lurk and fear reigns.

But by the blade and claw of knights, man and mer are given hope.

(Side note: the production company for Garo did license the armors to Final Fantasy XIV, so you can actually earn them and use them in that game – but as far as I know it’s just for appearance and cosmetic use and doesn’t have any of the limitations etc the canon armors do.  Especially since in the Garo-verse women can’t become Makai Knights, but that’s a whole other thing I won’t go into here.)

*Blows the dust off*

Well, it’s certainly been a while since I updated this.  that’s the problem between meaning to do something and actually doing it I guess.  While I haven’t had any deep writings to warrant writing about here, I have gotten some art since.  Then I finally get an idea for something I want to write about, but when I came back to check on it, I found out I’d already written just about everything I was already planning to write on this!  So I guess I’ll make this a more general update post then.

Rolling the Dice

Still haven’t found a new gaming group and the LFGS I used to go to closed earlier in the year so no way to find a game that way either. The play-by-post Pathfinder game I was in with Jasmine died off as the GM had life issues, and the 4th ed D&D play-by-post has basically been on pause since December – funnily enough the only people still responding right now are the GM, me, and the other player that I had my initial intro thread with. Not sure what’s going to happen there yet, as the GM has not clarified what he wants to do as we were about to go into an encounter.

I got back into WoW with a female Tauren frost death knight using the white and blue skin – I mean it was just begging to be Frost in those colors! I got into a raid guild my dad was running with already, and when I actually started raiding with them I was blowing up the charts DPS-wise a lot! Cleared a lot of content and raids, and even got the challenge appearance for the Frostmourne swords on her, but raiding fell apart near the end between people wanting harder progression, a few folk who couldn’t do mechanics, and people showing up.  I did part of the Antorus raid, but I had to move WoW to a VM because it kept crashing in WINE for some reason I couldn’t figure out.  This of course made it significantly more annoying to do anything with, but performance was still great, despite it stressing my 5-year-old computer to the max.

Black Friday weekend though I saw that Elder Scrolls Online was available with Morrowind for 50% off.  I’d heard that it ran fine in WINE now, and had been eyeing it, just waiting on a sale like this to pick it up.  So I bought it, threw it on my 1TB SSD, and tried it in WINE.  Once I got past the launcher patcher sucking and redownloading many many GB again, I found it was working great, with the only glitch being the first and water textures glitching a bit, which was unsettling at first but something I could live with. While it took me a bit to wrap my head around how the skills worked, as it was fairly different from any other Elder Scrolls game, the rest of it felt like a legitimate TES game, compared to everything I heard about how it was at launch.  A double XP event started shortly after, and away I went!

As a side note, ESO is largely to blame for why I’ve been quieter in all my other channels, Twitter, Discord, and Telegram among them. There’s just SO MUCH to do! And I mean beyond just the daily stuff, though that’s a time-eater too.  I’ll actually probably come back to this later, or make a separate post about it.  Probably the latter, since I’d like to talk about my characters and stuff.

Funnily enough, I haven’t felt the urge to go back to WoW at all since I picked up ESO, and it was right after I paid for 3 months time.  Too bad you don’t get anything beyond access in WoW, like how ESO gives cash shop currency so unused time isn’t wasted.  Ah well.

Being Social

My social life is fairly unchanged from where it has been as well. Thanks to that WoW guild I finally had a reason to get Discord running regularly, and I got sort of involved with the draconity.org Discord.Iv’e been less present there due to the previously mentioned ESO eating most of my free time, but I’m keeping a claw in.  I also joined a “server for dragon singles” but honestly haven’t paid any attention to it – first due to the D.org chat being more interesting, and then due to ESO. Still single and open though for any interested dragonesses!

As far as meatspace, as I said, with no gaming group I don’t have anything besides work and shopping that gets me out of the house.  Would like this to change eventually, but with no FLGS there’s not much out there to get me out of the house, and as I mentioned in a previous post I have to keep furry/dragon stuff on the DL around work folks, and I’m finding I did enjoy not having to tone that down around friends when I did have the group of local friends I hung out with.

Department of Post Corrections

Finally, there’s a couple addendums and updates I’d like to make or add to existing posts.

Buried Seeds of the Future

http://starfox.net/remembrance-of-days-gone-by/ )

It’s a Transformation Revelation!

I did eventually get that commission I was pondering, leaving Swiftwind out of it due to how shi became her own thing and how shi didn’t really fit thematicly.

Gender Changers

http://starfox.net/trans-is-not-a-gender/ )

I’d like to re-address this more contentious post as well. Since I wrote this a year ago, I’ve seen a different slice of the trans culture, so to speak, by way of Twitter, and the perspective there seems vastly different from what I saw on the Transformers forum I mentioned. While there no doubt are trans folks who just want to be their target gender, and do NOT want to be called trans, just man or woman, there is a segment of non-binary folks that have adopted trans as a way of describing their gender rather than relying on any of the (fetishized) other descriptors of the in-between states.

So yeah, some trans folks don’t want that to be considered their gender, while some do, and as a self-chosen label, it is their right to ask to be called that, and in that respect I was wrong.  I suppose it’s all just a bit of a mess.

In general, genderized descriptors and genders themselves seem to be in major flux as the english language and Western society tries to figure out how to handle the long tail of gender expression. Gender constructs have been useful to a society in general as it allowed folks to get a quick grasp or mental picture of someone when discussing or reading them.  Men have a certain general look, as do women, and pronouns have been standardized over hundreds of years to take advantage of it.

Now, with gender being looked at as a spectrum, some folk just try to find the standard pronoun closest to where they fall, wile others have revived the singular “they” for a neutral approach, while still others sought to create one that tries to express themselves rather than using any of the standard ones, expressing in language what they are already expressing physically and mentally.  This sort of breaks the entire purpose of pronouns however, as it’s a coin toss whether anyone outside certain circles can even make sense of the many pronouns out there. It’s no more informative to those people than the singular “they”.  Heck, I’ve had people confused by my use of “shi/hir” in referance to chakat characters in furry circles, and that’s been in use for many many years among furries for herms! (Also the lesser used sie, but I always preferred shi as sie is also a pronoun in German, thus room for confusion.)

As I see it, eventually things will standardize out, either by the lesser used pronouns dieing off from lack of use much like ‘sie’ did, or being slowly adopted by the general population via general knowledge.  Until then, all I can say(and do) is be flexible, respect people’s choices in self-expression whether you think them stupid and offensive or not, and just do you.

‘Kats Gonna ‘Kat

http://starfox.net/chakat-thoughts/ )

Finally, I want to wrap this up with some more self reflection on my own alternative gender self, Chakat Swiftwind. Pretty much everything I said previously still stands, in that I acknowledge shi is indeed a reflection of myself, but not the primary “me.” As I put it not too long ago, I am a dragon OS running on human hardware via driver emulation, and said dragon OS is also acting as a hypervisor for a chakat VM that tends to crash due to missing libraries. (The missing libraries in question are the chakat traits I do not possess myself, which “breaks” the chakat presentation a bit.)

I was actually reminded of the latter part when I did a bit of RPing with another chakat. Shi was a lot more of a snuggler than I tend to be these days, tending towards those things rather than discussion, though some of that wasn’t so bad.  Especially when things got intimate, though our interests diverged far enough in that respect that it seems to have died out pretty fast after that.

While I still haven’t really been able to do much with hir, I did finally, after probably too many years, get hir a real reference sheet!

Yes, there is an uncensored version too

The corset and leather jacket have already sort of become hir “default” outfit, but as shi is or was Star Fleet in the chakatverse for a time, I got a bust shot added as well, since I didn’t have any pictures of hir in that. The handpaw shot is for artists not familiar with chakats, which was a lot more than I realized – but then chakat numbers have been on the decline for years.

Funnily enough, right before I got the “real” referance sheet I was able to get an image by the artist I consider to be the defining one for chakats, Kacey Miyagami! She was doing an experimental flat color sketch, and it happened to fall within my budget range, so I jumped right on it.

Lookin’ sharp

Even though the only judge of what is “official” is Goldfur hirself, it still helps me feel a bit more “official” just having been drawn by Kacey, at least among the community.

Speaking of “Official,” I’m still of two minds about how Goldfur is integrating hir MLP fanfic-verse and the Chakatverse.  The Chakatverse started out as an imitation Star Trek, but quickly became it’s own thing to the point where Goldfur retconned some earlier stuff that had fanficc-y, for lack of a better word, ties to other things. Shi also explained hir own take on certain tech concepts which were fairly different.

Hir MLP fics on the other hand, while they do their own thing, specifically use canon characters such as Twilight Sparkle. They are undeniably fanfic at this point, and with hir current crossover story, they’re also directly tied into the future of the chakatverse. If it wasn’t for the canon characters being involved, I’d probably feel better about it, but it’s hir creation and shi can do what shi wants with it anyways.  The bit of story I wrote with chakatverse Swiftwind however was set in around the same time period… shortly before everything went south, but if I write any more I have to factor that in now as well, or just plain go my own way.  Since I’m playing in hir playground anyways with a chakat, I’m obviously going with the latter – though I’d prefer otherwise!

Probably my other disappointment is that I can’t really do much with hir outside of online – with the fur-friendly group I was hanging with gone, and work not really a good environment for it, I’m stuck with expressing hir online. Since dragons are fairly common and I’m among old school gamers, I can get away with putting up a few of my tame pieces on the wall at work, and I’ve even toed the line by using my dragon icons for avatars on a few programs. Can’t do that though with Swiftie.  Even if it was fairly neutral to fur, chakats would have their own baggage of sorts that a generic furry wouldn’t have to deal with.

 

That’s probably enough for now, so I’ll leave it at that.  Maybe my next post will come a little sooner than six months later!

Furry does not always mean Good

Been a while again, but life happens.  Still looking for a gaming group, though I got into a Play-by-post game with a gnoll druid, and I’m waiting to hear back on two other games(one also PbP) that I submitted Jasmine to.  I’ve also come up with a couple other characters I’d like to play in the future:

– A cheetah-styled catfolk faux-jedi that follows the Elements instead of any version of the “Force”, using a polearm wuxia-style.

– A cowardly kobold who fights with summons, and is bonded to an Outsider that acts like a personal Google search engine for anything he needs to know.

The cheetah girl is the one I’m more interested in at the moment, even if I’m still torn on names between Rahna and Kivarra.  The latter is one I was toying with originally, but I keep mentally changing it to Kitiara, which wouldn’t work because then every one would call her “Kitty.”  Rahna on the other hand is, like Sharilar used to be, a name I used before for certain types of characters(Sharilar was always a vixen, Rahna was originally a feline name) but never had a solid character to link it specifically to.

Anyways, to get more to the point of this post, while looking for games to try to join, I came across someone’s homebrew of Pathfinder, replacing all the normal races with Furry races.  When I went to glance through it though, I was left feeling kinda bored with it all.

You’d think, given the fact that if any RPG allows furry-style races, I’ll gravitate towards them, I’d be all over that.  Heck, the chakatverse could be considered an all-furry-verse, given no rubber forehead aliens or truly alien aliens have yet to show up(Side note: that’s begging for a story along the lines of the Star Trek TNG precursors one), and Ironclaw built an entire system around it, and I have no problem with either of them.  Why?

They’re not bland.

True, Chakatverse does have bog-standard furry animal people, but they’re alongside other stranger creatures and baseline humans, and there are repercussions to that.  They aren’t just treated like humans in funny suits, with no hook.

Ironclaw took the stereotypes and inclinations of each species they feature, then tried to figure out what a society built on that would look and feel like.  Again, there’s plenty of hooks here for plot and character, rather than a bunch of ordinary animal people doing people things and no influence from what they actually are.

Basically, if you could take a wolf furry character and replace it with a kangaroo furry with no impact to the character or plot, what is even the point?  If you can replace a zebra with an elephant with no impact, why are you even using a zebra?

It’s like the criticisms of a lot of standard fantasy.  You got your pointy-eared human, your stocky bearded human, your short furry-footed human, and your green-skinned fanged human, and if you just add animal human to that, is there any real difference?  Why play something different if it’s exactly the same, but with a different layer of paint?

To put it another way and borrow a comment from the twitter comment I made on this, one of the essences of furriness is queerness – and I don’t mean in the sexual way.  It’s something different, a different approach to things from the standard human way.  Again, if there’s no difference between the wolf-man and a normal man, then the wolf-man may as well be a normal man!

I also don’t mean throw in *Nuzzles* and *Pants* and “OwO wats this” and have no other difference apart from a few cutesy quirks.  To play off the above example, you have both the stereotype of the “lone wolf” and the social/pack/loyalty trends of wolves – so how would either of those impact the character or race in question?  If you took a actual wolf and uplifted them, what would they actually be like?

I look back at the characters I made, and each of the ones I’m proudest of would have lost something if they hadn’t factored in the uniqueness of their races.  Jasmine for example – physically, she’s a tigress with dragon wings, and if I wanted to compromise to get her in a lower power setting, I could make her as a catfolk, or just have her look like a tiger.  But she is rakshasa still, and doing any of that would sacrifice her story and what makes her unique and herself.

Sharilar also works as an example.  She could be just another black-furred vixen gypsy, but she is kitsune.  That has certain implications within various settings, and even more so for one who is also gypsy. (Side note: I know it’s a stereotype, but this is Fantasy and drunken Scottish dwarves are a thing too, so.) This not only affects her worldview, but also (and more importantly) how the world views her.

And my most recent character, Dusk.  She’s a gnoll, which carries just as much weight as the races above.  Gnolls are more bestial, supposedly have a touch of demonic blood, and are known for eating the flesh of other sapients.  They are also known for slaves and laziness in some settings.  They are born, grow quickly, live brutal short lives, then just as quickly pass away.  An anthro hyena girl would have none of that, yet all of it helped form who she is, even if only by going against the stereotypes.

Basically, just because something can be described as furry, or considered furry doesn’t make it automatically good.  Especially if it commits the cardinal sin you can commit in a game:

Be boring.

Remembrance of Days Gone By

So I was just reflecting on as of this year, I’ve basically been sporting scales for 10 years.  That’s almost a full third of my life right now, and probably half the time I’ve been around furry content overall – though 9-9.5 of the remaining time was spent as a fox.

That set me thinking of commissioning a new art piece(not the one posted above) to commemorate 10 years of scales – maybe something transformation-related, going from one form to the other.  Still, it might get complicated if I included my snep chakat ‘sona I ran with for several months also, and if I should include my Arctic Wyvern that brought everything to critical mass.

You see, back in 2007 I started poking my snout around an area in Second Life called the Isle of Wyrms – I may have mentioned it here before. I found out about it from some other furs at an area based around the DMFA webcomic(shameless plug – www.missmab.com – been reading it for years!) as they had a couple adult dragon avatars from there and were showing them off at Lost Lake.

Now back then, you could buy the hatchlings and the wyrmlings(think feral dragon equivalent of teenagers) at any time, but the full-size adults were only available four times a year – on the solstices and equinoxes, and even then in limited numbers.  Once you owned one, you could buy the rest at any time for customization, but you had to get that first spot at one of the hatching events.  The idea was to try and make it something more special than just buying an av because it looked cool.  These were DRAGONS, and deserved something more special.

Because I was curious, I ended picking up a Astral Wyrmling, as it felt the most dragonlike to me, and toyed around with it a bit.  I’m fairly sure I talked about this a long while ago on here, so I won’t go into too much detail, but suffice it to say I went to check my logs to see when I had first gotten the Arctic Wyvern and found it was actually exactly 10 years ago yesterday.

As I probably said then, and in a tweet-chain that triggered this blog post, the Wyrmling may have opened the door a crack, but it was the Wyvern egg that slammed it all the way open and broke off the hinges.

There was a certain magic in the air that day – we were the testbed for the random selection that was used up until the final hatchings, replacing the old “who can click fastest before the sim crashes” method.  I like to think of it as letting fate and luck take the wheel more directly, as the former relied on reaction speed as well as luck on if the server would acknowledge it before the sim crashed.

We were spread across two sims due to population limits as the drawing began. There was tension at first as individuals were called out – at least until someone noticed that if you checked your registration token, it could tell you if you were one of the winners or not already.  The current version of the Cathedral was not complete yet, but this was the first chance many of us got to see it, as the eggs were located there to keep things under control.

Once we had our eggs, it was off to the sandbox to hatch them, wear the avatars, and tweak them to our specifications.  This is where the magic I spoke of was most felt – the becoming of wing and scale, tooth and claw.  Leaning to move in something much larger, how it worked, and sharing the joy and celebration of our new forms with all the other newly grown Wyverns.  This was also the premiere release of the Wyverns, which added another element of specialness to the whole event.

It’s kind of sad that the days of the hatchings are behind us now.  As time wore on, the crowds began to shrink, and eggs began to go unclaimed, until the decision was made to set the tradition aside as the amount of unclaimed eggs up for adoption had effectively removed the distinction. Folks who arrive at the Isles now seeking a draconic perspective will never truly get to experience the tension of waiting to see if you were chosen, the wonder of walking down the rows of IoW elders standing ceremonial guard to claim their new egg, and the joy and celebration of becoming alongside their wingbrothers and wingsisters as they explore their new selves.

There was several factors though that led to this, and I don’t know that any one of them changing would have made a difference.

  • Daryth, as far as I am aware, has effectively moved on – no new dragon or other avatar designs or updates have been released in years.  For her, this was her art, more than anything else, and as every artist knows, the muse can be a fickle thing.
  • Other creators have harnessed deformations and mesh to create technically superior(whether they are aesthetically is up to the viewer) avatars that were available 24/7, and a majority of Second Life I’d say would prefer that instant purchase and gratification rather than waiting months for a chance at one that isn’t even a certain win.
  • While people come and go, once you had the adult you didn’t need to enter again.  This meant that every hatching shrunk the pool of prospective dragons, and eventually that pool would be small enough to cause this sort of effect as well.

So while it was probably inevitable, I am still glad I got to experience a IoW hatching before it ended, and thankful for it as it helped me find myself, so to speak. The Isle itself and the community is still around after 11 years, which is practically an eternity in SL time. While the sun is no longer blotted out with dragon wings, there are many hatchies and other folk waiting to welcome a stranger into their fold, or welcome back old friends who may wing back from time to time.

With how many places I have visited in SL that have come and gone, there is still a certain peace in knowing there is still a home to return to.

I have seen things you people wouldn’t believe.

Sims crashing like dominos from a runaway grey goo attack. I’ve seen entire furry continents rise, only to fade away.  Dragons, spreading their wings for the first time under the shadow of Cathedral. All those moments will be lost in time, like tears in the rain.

Time to fly.

Honnou Kakusei! (Instincts Awaken!)

Among my various geek interests, I also have a distinct like for toku aka live-action Japanese superhero shows.  One of the long-running franchises, Super Sentai, gets brought over to the US as Power Rangers, but the others haven’t had much success.

This year’s super sentai actually has a furry theme, but funnily enough while the fandom talks up Zootopia I have yet to see any mention of Dobutsu Sentai(Animal Taskforce) Zyuohger outside of the usual toku circles.  While ZyuEagle is human, the other four are actual anthros, potentially with human disguises(they have human actors, need to see how that plays out).  We’ve got a male Lion with dreads, a male Elephant with a bit of a Indian flare, a female Shark who has a mature woman vibe about her, and a female Tiger who so far seems like a feline copy of Amy from Kyoryuger.  The music is hype too, the first 30 seconds of the opening were released, and I can’t stop listening to it!  About the only thing I don’t like is the mecha this time around are minecraftish.

This is probably the first sentai I’ve been hype about actually since Kyoryuger, and that took me a bit to warm up to because of how over the top it was.  Go-Busters was probably the last one I was hype for before it started.  ToQger I skipped entirely after watching the first episode, and Nininger has been just okay.

Speaking of toku, I’ve actually got a few other folk I know in RL watching it now, after using Garo as a gateway series.  I started with using Halloween as an excuse to marathon it, and they were hooked.  SO far they’ve watched everything except the two Ryuga seasons and the recent anime, but for a bit of a break I’m showing them Kamen Rider Gaim,  Turns out the main guy that was watching the stuff actually remembered the US adaption of Kamen Rider Black RX, just called Masked Rider over here.  I had Agito as a safer backup, since Gaim is a bit OTT to start also, but he was good with both, and I kind of want to rewatch Gaim – I’ve rewatched Agito maybe twice already.  Once those are both done, it’ll probably be time for Ryuga’s Garo seasons, then I might try either Gransazer, or Go-Busters.  Given most of those are 48 ep series, and we go through about 10-13 eps a night, that should provide enough for the next few months.

Game-wise because of said people I also re-subbed to WoW using in-game gold about 2 weeks ago. I’ve already made that gold back with alt garrisons, and I’m just a few Apexis dailies away from Draenor flying, so I’ll finish that this weekend probably.  After that, I’ll see what I need to roll to run with them, as that’s why I resubbed – though I also am runnign LFRs to finish my legendary.  I kind of don’t want to do real raiding anymore still, at least for now.  I got a server first on a Mythic raid end boss with a hardcore guild, and as far as I’m concerned I won WoW.  Doing that though killed my interest in raid, which is partly why I let WoW sit while I dabbled in Star Trek Online since April.

I am still playing STO too, just there hasn’t been anything much new since before the holidays.  There’s a anniversary event coming up though, and a new story episode focusing on the Temporal Cold War time shenanigans, which’ll be interesting.

Looking at WoW also reminded me that there was a pet in it linked to Heroes of the Storm – turns out you need to get to player level 20 for it.  I’ve started playing it, purely against low level AI and it’s actually kind of fun that way.  So far I’ve liked most of the heroes I tried, except Stiches.  Guess I’m just not a melee kind of guy in this game?  I didn’t expect to like Tassadar though, since he is support.

I also finally got myself a set of Telegram stickers, though it’s only part 1 of 2.  I didn’t have an idea for a full 22, so I only got 11, and now I’m just waiting for the artist to clear her queue so I can get the second set.  I’ve got enough of an idea now to get the rest, even if a couple of them are a bit weaker.  Even if I don’t use them all regularly in Telegram, in a way it’s like a bunch of smaller basic pictures for a decent price, so it’s not a bad thing at all.

llewelyn sticker set

More Trekkin’, More Writin’

So I hadn’t realized it had been so long since I wrote something, but I haven’t had too much to write about… at least on here.  My role at work did change a bit, making me busier than before, but not really anything worth sharing.

I did finally max all my Star Trek Online alts, giving me 8 characters at 60, and 1 empty character slot.  I actually have a character in mind for it, but since there’s no appropriate ship yet for her I’m holding off and working on filling out my alt builds completely.

I do like the fact that each one has a different build and ship type, with different armaments.  On paper this means they all play differently, but in practice there is a some overlap between my Romulans, as they both use forward-facing setups with narrow arcs. The same applies to my Federation ships, as despite one being a DPS focus, one a tank, and one a drain boat, all three are broadsiders and thus are piloted somewhat similarly, despite the difference in what and how they handle things.  My KDF toons are probably the most disparate, as one is a carrier with a focus on fighters, one is a siege-style ship based on sitting in one place and broadsiding, and the last one is a torpedo/Wave Motion Gun type build with very little pure energy weapon damage.

In the case of all my STO toons, the ship is as much a part of their character as the toon itself, extending to their bridge officers as well. At the moment, I’m finishing the bridge crew and away teams of a couple captains, then it’s on to ground gear and upgrading everything.  In some cases, I’m not quite as happy with the actual bridge crews, but I’ve been able to justify them so far, with a bit of creative thinking:

  • My Caitian Federation captain has a melting pot of the “best” space and ground boffs.  Federation inclusiveness is a go, even if it is a bit of a stretch.
  • My Draenei Fed captain runs an all-Draenei ground crew.  The bridge crew is 2 Draenei, a Dwarf(using the Alien race), 2 semi-Night Elves(using Romulans) and the Heirarchy officer from the Delta stories. 1 non-Warcraft race is probably fine, I feel, as I could see them allowing a token representative to observe the Alliance in action.
  • My Borg Fed captain has a ground crew of 2 borg, a borg-looking Android, and a hologram, and most of them are on the space crew, plus a couple Romulans as it is originally a Romulan ship.  One of the easiest to justify and have good boffs.
  • My Gorn KDF with the carrier has an all-Gorn away team and an all-Naussicaan bridge crew.  In my mind they’re not truly KDF, so the Nausicaans are probably rebels as well. They do look similar in some ways, as well.
  • My Talaxian KDF is a pirate, with a Orion(looking) ground crew and Nausicaans above, though I’ll be adding a couple Romulans and a Hierarchy.  Pirates explains it all!
  • My Ferasan KDF is actually loyal to the Kzinti/Lyran state(noticing a pattern?) and will have an all Ferasan ground crew when I’m done.  Space crew is again the ubiquitous Nausicaans-for-hire.
  • My Fed-aligned Romulan is a Romulan supremecist and has a pure Romulan crew, apart from a Romulan-looking android and hologram, both fo which I consider Romulan-programmed.
  • My KDF-aligned Romulan was originally based off of Clan Jade Falcon from a different franchise, but I couldn’t really make a theme work on that so he’s another “Rebel” of sorts, his ship being crewed by Romulan and Gorn. (Which amuses me since they were enemies in Star Fleet Battles and it’s derivitaves.)

Setting aside STO somewhat, I’m also finally getting my first piece of art in several months – a picture of the chakatverse version of my STO Caitian, M’Rel, as she is the star of the chakatverse story I’m writing.  Originally she was created in STO as a stand-in for Swiftwind, as I just couldn’t see the chakat as a starship captain, but she’s grown into her own and the story that originally was going to focus on Swiftwind pivoted around to a slightly different concept and crew.

Now, the original story idea I had may still ahppen after this one, but I’ve been writing on and off on it since April or May probably.  I’ll write a bunch, then let it sit a while, then come back to it again.  It’s back to slow writing at the moment I’m afraid with my focus on STO and not being in a writing mood, but hopefully I’ll finish it within the next few months – I’m hoping the picture may help my inspiration.

I’ve also been sorely tempted to post it part by part on this blog, which may help in getting me to finally finish the thing.  My one fear in doing that is that with how long I’m taking writing it, that I may not pace it appropriately, or for that matter if I don’t actually finish it.  I am close enough to the end though that that should not be a concern.

Either way, we’ll see what lies ahead, especially with a new STO “season” starting in two to three weeks, which is also when my picture will likely be finished by…

Digital Doppelgangers

I’m actually in a rather bemused state of mind as I write this.  You see, I recently got some arts(which I’ll post at the end of this) and I usually make a habit of backtracking on people who fav or watch me on FA to see if they have anything favorited or submitted that I might want to fav and save.  Especially recently, when I was looking for chakat artists, and found not very many that had an artstyle I liked.

To digress, a good way I’ve found to find artists of a particular subject matter is find notable furries(or popufurs I guess is the slang) of that type and see who they commissioned.  That’s one of the reasons I don’t think it’s a bad thing that some artists give “popufurs” free art – it acts as free advertising!

Anyways, as I was about to close out, I saw a porn piece with a very familiar-looking chakat in it, so I followed it up.  On closer examination, it looked almost exactly like my chakat character, but the name was different!  There was no link to any account however, but now I was wondering if someone had taken my arts and rebranded them as theirs; especially since that chakat’s name was fairly close in nomenclature to mine.

This actually happens more of then than you might think in the furry world, though more often it’s someone claiming to be an artist that drew such rather than stealing the character, but character theft has been known to happen before.  Let me finish the story though before I get into what I want to say on that.

I tried a search on FA and found a couple other pics, but again no account, so as a last resort I tried google.  That led me to another DA pic that had been removed at some point.   Now the pic I had stumbled on was a very recent upload, so the chakat in question had to still be active somewhere, but I was running out of links.  Finally, I found a reddit post from a few months ago that explained it all.

Basically, the guy got in on a free art thread but didn’t have a ref sheet, so he pointed the artist at an old pic of mine and listed a few changes that were different about his.  It was just a case of the artist not catching everything(which is understandable on freebie art) and that just getting propogated.

That old pic he referred to was a bit off(though close enough and good enough at the time!) and since then I’ve made another small change myself; more an emphasizing of a trait on that character that I hadn’t before(and I don’t mean breast size!).

End result is there are two snow leopard ‘kats out there with purple hair and wind-based names – just one(mine) ties hirs up sometimes and has blue eyes and a stripe along hir back, while the other has a darker purple, purple eyes, and no stripe.  It just that at least one or two of the artists shi’s commissioned have missed that(mostly the eyes) and at first blush the ‘kat int eh picture could be mistaken for my character.

To be fair though, I haven’t been active much in the chakat online community for years; not since I woke to my inner dragon.  I only recently decided to revive and revamp my chakat character as an actual separate character, rather than as a ‘sona/identity at my internal muse’s prodding, hence the couple recent pieces of art.  That was aprt fo teh reason I thought shi might have been appropriated.

Anyways, like I said it left me slightly bemused. It could have been coincidence, but in this case it was more inspiration I think, and not that far off from what a lot of fan characters do: take some traits and file off the serial numbers.  And I’m fairly sure this chakat isn’t a helmsman on a Stellar Federation cruiser, and shi definitely doesn’t have a Starwalker stellar foxtaur mate, both of which apply to mine – once I can get the story written!

It’s just a bit of a strange feeling to be looking through pictures and find porn that looks 95% like you(or my character in this point), with a different name.  Not quite Rule 34 territory, but edging there.

It also brings to mind other issues, such as the fact some doppelgangers could end up out there by chance!  With how many red foxes are out there for example, it’d be fairly easy to describe one decently and end up matching at least a half-dozen.  If it wasn’t for the purple hair(which isn’t too common in and of itself) and the chakat community being so small, I probably wouldn’t have thought anything of it, or at least enough to track down why shi looked like my chakat.

Sadly though, I’ve heard stories of more popular folks having their characters or ‘sonas copied wholesale.  Usually this results in the actual owner posting something which gets the word out, and approaching the admin on the site of the copy.

I’ve also heard at least one story of someone trying to “buy” someone else’s ‘sona.  That didn’t even used to be a thing way back when, but then the idea of “adoptables” went big i.e. buying pre-made characters.  I never got that anyways, but there are some folks I guess who see a character design and jsut fall in love with it.

But as someone else pointed out, in regular society you get told who you are, while in furry you tell everyone else.  In a world where identity is that fluid, where does identity theft, as such, fall?  Just something to think about.

And now, I leave you with chakat arts!

Swiftwind dancing on the Rec Deck of the FSS Excalibur

Swiftwind dancing on the Rec Deck of the FSS Excalibur

Swiftwind in a fancy flight suit

Swiftwind in a fancy flight suit

Late-night rambling returns!

I’ve actually had a couple posts I’ve wanted to do in the pipeline, but various things have conspired to prevent me from following through on them.  Various things in large part being WoW. <..<

Anyways, there’ll still be a year -in-review post at some point, and I also have a Transformer-like race to use in Pathfinder to post, but this isn’t either of those.  This is a catch-up, and maybe some rambling on random topics, for the first time in a while!

If you don’t care about WoW, feel free to skip a few paragraphs. XP

First, the WoW situation has kind of sorted itself out.  The two guilds de-merged, and Chocolate Disco went back to a lot more casual schedule.  I’ve ended up on the regular Mythic team, but not quite made Core, which I’m fine with.  I know there’s better players than me – only reason to wish I was Core is so I would have a higher cap on guild repairs for progression nights!

Especially after I went and made myself broke.  I’ve basically completed the follower minigame on my main until 6.1, and there’s nto much to do towards raiding outside raids at the moment.  So, I finally went back to see what I missed in minipets, since I had that mostly done before my break, and was surprised that they hadn’t added that much.  I saw some TCG pets I was missing up for relatively cheap, and there was now ay I was going to go through Molten Core any more times to try for that pet, so I went and bought myself into brokeness.  Worse, I haven’t been able to engage the revenue stream I had been using as I needed to make some upgrades for myself for crafted pieces for my monk alt and for a piece where RNG turned out to hate me on my main.  End result though is that I just need to get about 8 more pets and I’ll have every pet I can get that’s not a CE pet, Blizzcon pet, or a pet only available in another country.  At least until 6.1!

As for why I -need- to gear my alt, originally I was planning on raiding with both guilds, with all the time sinks that entails.  There’s folks I like in both guilds and I wanted to keep running with both(not to mention it’s a bit of a rush to realize that I’m in the raid team of the top guild on the server!) so I was going to use my alt to run Disco raids.  Then it turned out they kind of raid on the same days.

I say kind-of because the second Disco night is the same night as what is supposed to be an alt run, but I’ve had a couple gear holes that have forced me to run my main in said alt runs for more gear.  That’s solved now though until Blackrock releases, so I’ll be able to roll with them for at least a couple weeks finally.

Aside from WoW, I’m moving into a different position that’s more internal facing and engineering oriented at work.  I’m still having to deal with some stuff here and there that isn’t, but that’s the life of a sysadmin, and my boss has a very healthy philosophy on outside-normal-hours work: keep it to a minimum.  It’s a philosophy I’m in heavy agreement with, as after some of my contracting I make it a point to grab on tight to my free time, including lunch breaks and only work on either if there is no other way.  I have pushed back on scheduling before because of workload, but that’s less of an issue in my new position.

My muse has finally spoken up again though, and revived one of my former identities as a separate character: Chakat Swiftwind lives again(sorta).  Where my dragon is me though, Swiftie is a separate character, more along the lines of my various RPG characters.  There may not be much distinction between the two for a lot of furries, but there is for me and that’s the important part.  Part of that is I finally have an idea of who shi is: a hotshot pilot, whether it be starship or starfighter… though given the chakat universe doesn’t have a lot of interstellar conflict, shi’s pretty much a starship jock at the moment in my mind.

I tried using Traveller to put together a background history for hir, but it left a bit to be desired, as there are some differences naturally between the two universes.  I also was a bit confused about the difference between StarFleet and Star Corps in that universe, so I had to do a quick rewrite to fit with my mental idea of where shi is in the “present” which unfortunately has left some parts of hir past vague now for the moment.

As to what prompted me, I had a strong mental image of hir in a cockpit, hands on controls and handpaws on even more controls.  Granted, as a ship’s helmsman on a long-range exploration ship shi may not get to do that, but there’s pinnances and such shi may have to fly for some reason; not to mention shi may be able to make that ship do tricks its builders hadn’t even thought of.

Part of that also gave me the idea and framework for a story, and it even fits well to the typical framework of a Star Trek episode!  After I fleshed out some identities of other folks shi’d be interacting with regularly though, I found myself without the time to actually start writing it.  There’s also a couple things i’m not sure about now because I want to stick to that “Star Trek episode” feeling, but I want it to be hir story, not a story about the bridge crew of the ship shi’s on.

Another thing is that my original idea necessitates some ship-to-ship combat, which is where I run into another issue.  In Star Trek’s universe, there’s other star empires to be handy antagonists.  The chakat universe’s Steller Federation on the other hand has no real enemies, just some pirates pretty much and everyone else in their stellar neighborhood is buddy-buddy with them.  On top of that, StarFleet ships in the chakatverse have people trained for First Contact and this is a Big Thing, as opposed to Star Trek where they meet half the new civilizations over laser fire, and the other half they try not to even make contact with because of the Prime Directive.

The fact that First Contact is huge, and that I’m technically playing in someone else’s playground, makes me leery of introducing a new alien race of any sort to be antagonists. Pretty much the only way to make it work would be for the alien race to be truly alien(which is hard) as most of the Federation races have been of similar mindsets, make the new race be scream-and-leap like the Kzinti, or have what attacks them be automated.  None of those are truly ideal, and with how big First Contact is, a botched one, even if nothing could be done, would be a huge black mark I would imagine.  So I’m stuck on that plot point and it’s a major one for the original story idea I had.

Back on the topic of mental images though, there were a couple others that came to mind that I wanted to see made real, so I’ve started getting art again.  I had a ton of Transformers come in recently, but thankfully it was end of December so technically it was part of last year’s budget.  I’ve already blown past my tentative marker for January’s non-essentials budget though with the two pieces I have coming, even with that.

I’d actually wanted to get art of Swiftwind last year, but I never really got around to finding taur artists besides Kacey and trying to get it done.  This time, I actually found a few artists, but was surprised how few good taur artists I was able to find, though I did stumble on another recently thanks to Twitter(and which prompted the second art piece I have inbound eventually).  Right now I just have nothing I really want drawn of -me- except maybe a new icon.  Problem there is I don’t have a theme in mind or a specific artist to do a dragicon, so that’s on hold at the moment.

I actually have a third piece in mind too, and the artist I’d like to do it is opening for commissions soon, so I’m waiting to see if I can snag a slot there.  As long as I’m getting pics done of my (other) characters, I figured I’d get a pic of a major Pathfinder character I’ve been trying to be able to play – my Dark Tapestry Oracle, who happens to be a black-furred kitsune with a gypsy theme.

I’ve actually gotten the chance to game again, which allowed me to bring her up again and play her, though this is one of those campaigns where the DM looked at the (non-MMO)Elder Scrolls games’ laughable attempts at balance and thought it was way too restrictive in power level.  On one hand, it’s letting me pull out the stops, but on the other it’s feeling more like a power fantasy than RP and I feel like I’m not actually really playing so much as waiting to see what the next huge power boost is.  On the other hand, they were already high level when I joined, but that doesn’t help when advancement is still this rapid.  I can always use her again in a different campaign I suppose that’s a bit more sane.

The other campaign this group is running though definitely isn’t it.  While they’re playing through an adventure path, the characters are more like a Marvel What If? comic instead.  Since restraint on concept was already thrown to the wind, I sat down with the Advanced Race Guide and figured out how to build a Transformer, and got the GM to approve it!  I’ll be posting it at some point, but I still need to make the actual character.  I’m thinking bomb alchemist may be fitting.

I sort of wish there was a Traveller campaign going, so I could see if I could slip in my conversion of the chakat race too and make Swiftie in that.  Of course, then I’d probably have to answer some questions about where hir race comes from.  I usually don’t flaunt furry stuff outside of the areas of the internets where its common or such, but the group I’m playing with again in RL would probably have no problem with it, considering what some of them are into.  Wouldn’t help though with other groups…

When I thought about getting the art of Swiftwind though, I realized I didn’t have any real good referances.  The only color drawn pic didn’t give hir a large enough bust(and yeah, my motives for hir having a large rack probably are less than pure if I actually sat and thought about it) and the rest were just sketches. I did have the Second Life pics form the last revamp I did to my SL av of hir, but hir upper body was out of proportion in that.  So, now that mesh bodies are a thing, I went looking to see if I could find a larger base body to use for the upper torso.

I didn’t find any that were just larger, but I found some that looked more natural and/or more shapely, and when I tried a demo I found to my delight that it worked just fine with my taur anims.  The first one though was no-mod and you ahd to apply to be able to make skin appliers for it so I had to look elsewhere.  I foudn another one that was almost as good, AND a lot cheaper, and was mod-friendly!  As a bonus, it also gave hir breasts a more natural shape and increased the amount hey could scale.  Of course, the slider setting I had needed to use before with the default SL body resulted in nuclear torpedo warheads with this body, so I was actually able to scale it down to get hir chest to be the right size I envisioned.

Since I was stuck in terms of upper-to-lower-body ratio though, I decided to try scaling the lower body down a bit.  I’d originally had the height set to max for scale purposes in SL, but proportions were more important now and scale is jacked in SL anyways.  It actually wasn’t too difficult to finally get hir body properly proportioned in general once I tried.  Then it was snapshot time!

While I was starting to put it together, I had the bright idea to go with a LCARS theme, and I ended up blowing an entire Saturday with putting together the template, coloring it, and retaking shots I found out were at bad angles, but it gave me a good ref sheet finally for hir, and it’s already getting used for the two new pieces I have coming.

Iv’e been tempted a time or two to take hir out for a whirl on SL, but I don’t know what I’d do with hir.  WoW and work keep me busy enough that I wouldn’t want to commit to a regular RP, and for my regular hanging out I’d rather be my dragon self.  I could go hunt up furry sex clubs, but that lost its appeal a long while ago.  If I just want word porn I can write it myself(and probably do a better job!) and for anything beyond that, well, that’s one thing relationships can bring to the table – and there it’s sex because of the love, not love for the sex.

Also looking back other than the sidegrade into a RP character, Swiftwind really doesn’t fit as an identity so much as a fantasy.  Whether or not I used to be more cuddly, I’ve found that I don’t really care as much for random hugs and snugglings and such anymore from strangers, and that sort of closeness is a natural thing for chakats.  Since they’re natural empaths they’re very informal and very sensual, for reasons which make a lot of sense when you look at it.

That also leads into the whole chakat style of mating and courtships.  While I like the idea of the different levels(Companion/Denmate/Lifemate) and think that could work well, chakats tend to have multiple mates and love everyone, and I’m serially monogamous.  Once I give my heart and loyalty, that’s it.  Maybe I’m jsut old-fashioned.  I could maybe see a threesome working if the other two were both female and some circumstances worked out, but in general I have one mate and that’s that.

Being a hermaphrodite also is integral to the even general idea of chakats, but not something I could see myself as anymore.  The idea may be fun to play with, in that you could RP either a male or female role with the same character, depending on mood and partner, but I am definitely not bi, which is almost a requirement for that to be part of your identity.  If nothing else, my (lack of) reaction to all the penis pics that showed up on my Twitter AD account’s timeline proved that to myself – and that’s ignoring the time I did try to use a chakat as my identity.

I supose, going back to what I said earlier about my reasons for hir chest size, that it’s in part a fusion of myself with one of the representations of my potential ideal mate.  Self and fantasy in one, so that either you can be the one doing, or you can mentally put yourself in the other person’s shoes while playing the female role when it comes to the more adult activities; and all without changing characters.

While I’m mentioning AD and dick pics, that’s something I’ve noticed a lot of.  People taking pictures of just their bits, which frankly gets pretty boring.  You’ve seen one, you’ve seen most of them, girls included.  Most of the actually hot pictures include more of the body, body language, expression and so on.

Then again, maybe it’s just because I’m older and have my sexual urges more under control, since most of said folks are several years younger.  I’ll admit I can think with the wrong head at times, but it seems like (effectively) going into rut isn’t that often an occurrance for me.  Heck, just look at when I’ve posted adult stories fairly close together, and you can get an idea.

I’m actually feeling tired now, and this is one of the longest entries I’ve written in a while so I guess I’ll leave you with the art piece I got most recently, from right around the new year.  Enjoy!

Lookin' Cute, Feelin' Cute

Moods

I’m writing this as I random-dial stargates in Second Life for lack of anyplace to go. Every so often I seem to get into one of these moods – I want to do something, but don’t know what.  I want to hang with people but don’t know who or where.  It’s like this itch in the back of the mind that I just can’t quite scratch.

It usually seems to strike when I’m between “projects” as such, or the end of one is in sight and I don’t have another already in mind.  I detailed in a previous post how I got a bunch of crap done during my vacation at the end of the year.  I’ve done as much organization of my place as I can until it’s about time to move into whatever place I end up moving into.  I actually am synchronizing my SF, FA, and Weasyl galleries, but I’m doing it paced, and I’ve only got 3 story series left before that’s done.  I could go finish sorting my art, but I just think of how much there is and lose motivation.

Mention of a possible alt run in my WoW guild did get me moving a bit on my mage, but I finished all the available dungeons, and I’m still 88, and don’t feel fussed enough to quest right now on that toon and do the same tasks for the 10th time.  I’m caught up on all my shows.

I got nothin’.

I thought maybe I’d hop on SL a bit, maybe hang out, but IoW still doesn’t have much in the way of hangouts.  I got to hang with some tinies and hatchies playing a game of Aggrivation while I caught this week’s MLP ep, but they all moved on, and like I mentioned before, outside IoW I have no idea where to go, being a scaly dragon type.  I’m not looking for medieval RP or random sex, and all the old dragon hangouts are mostly gone.  Almost all my old furry hangouts are too.

And thus, dialing random stargates and seeing where I end up.  So far, I’ve encountered one good build:  A recreation of Twilight Town on par with that of Midgard in the sim of the same name.  Coincidentally, that’s the only place I’ve run into people actually talking anywhere nearby.

I hate feeling like this.

I could just go to bed, but that also feels like a waste.  There’s plenty of day(even if no daylight) left!  If I could just figure out what to do.  It’s like slogging through a quagmire looking for the way out of the forest when you don’t know which way is north.  So I figured maybe if I start writing something it’ll get it out of my system or at least point me in the right direction.

One thing I did read today that resonated with me was someone else complaining about loneliness, but with the caveat that he’s actually usually happy when alone, and he has plenty of friends and such, but it doesn’t help.  Someone else responded that loneliness can actually come from two different things: either you’re looking for more connections with other people(which people usually assume it is) or deeper connections.  It seems like most people just dismiss the second completely, leading to the “I’ve got all the friends in the world, so why am I lonely?” quandry.

On looking back, I feel I definitely fit in the latter category.  I’m a bit of an introvert, so lots of friends has never been my thing. Looking back at times I’ve felt lonely, it’s usually because I haven’t had those deeper friendships(or more) at that time, or at least said friends weren’t around.  If a dragon cries out but no one hears, does anyone care?

I’ve also never been big on big groups for the same reason.  Smaller groups are great; I can hang with them, listen to the conversation and join in when I have something to say, whether intelligent or just a bad pun. And we all know bad puns are the best kind!

It’s also kind of funny how many places in SL will fit a dragon, even if it might be a bit cramped.  It seems like it’s only rarely that I end up somewhere where I’d be hitting my head or pokeing up into the next floor above, even though most stuff is built for a human frame.

I also think I might be a bit prejudiced against humans and near-humans in SL. 😮  Part of that though is because a lot of people with normal human avs are walking around with a cork and two sequins, placement optional, in proportions that either are ultimate supermodel, or teetering on the edge of uncanny valley.  The other part I guess may be a bit of subconscious “if you can be anything you want, why limit yourself?”  That could easily go the other way as well though, and I bet that if I hung around in some of the places with humans and near-humans being the majority, that they might look askance at my draconity… once they get past how awesome an av it is, that is!

Then there’s also the groups that assume its roleplay.  For some people the idea of being yourself meaning being something other than human is hard to get a grasp on, I guess the same way I see about people who just take their RL look and tweak it in SL.  But it is what it is, and I know that too, even if it bugs me on some level.  I know it’s not fair, but that doesn’t stop it anyways, though I’m pretty good at burying it.

In other news, I’m working on getting more artses.  Found out one of the artists on my list actually is open for work, and just waiting to hear back now.  With moving on hold and being caught up on Transformers until HTS gets the new stuff in, I got plenty of money for art again.

While I’m ranting, I’m going to admit I don’t get what’s so hot about YCH(Your Character Here) auctions.  95% of the time it’s a mostly finished picture of two folks porking and all that’s done is instead of the artist having to come up with a species/markings set, he just recolors it like whomever won it.  More power to the artist for making extra bank on something that simple, but I just don’t get it.

Now the other 5% I can understand, and see as fine:  that being there’s some huge crowd scene for a story illustration or something along those lines, and the author is offering cameos to people who might want in.  That, I get.  But random porn with no link to anything, and likely no choice in your “partner” (as the other slot is probably a YCH too)?

Adoptables also fall into that category as well.  I can understand commissioning a character for something, even if I see it as lacking in imagination.  Offering a new species for people to make characters of?  *eyes all the sergals and chakats* Done, and done. But creating a character and selling *rights* to that character?  Selling the artwork is fine, but I don’t think a lot of the people really get it.  First off, the legality of such a thing is shady, but putting that aside, what’s to stop someone else who likes the concept from creating one of their own?  Let me just put this bright pink fox-thing with blue wings over here next to all the other bright pink fox-like things with blue wings.

Maybe I’m just cynical from being a greymuzzle and having been around furry stuff for over 15 years, compared to all the fresh 18-24-somethings glomming onto it all starry-eyed and bushy-tailed.  Some furry types are common for a reason, so when someone likes it and wants to be all “Look at me I’m a special snowflake” they try and twist it, just like all the other snowflakes and end up with something that’s been done 10 times over. Taste the rainbow of fur colors!  Instant demon/dragon/other-badass, just add horns, or bat/dragon wings.

Yes, I realize the irony of a blue dragon with foxish(or Eastern dragon, depending on perspective) features complaining about this.  I didn’t choose it to be different, I went with it because it felt natural and like myself.  I’m also sure there are furs out there that ended up with a somewhat common form from the same reasoning.  You’ll have to forgive me though if I don’t believe that when you have a fox-cat-skunk-dragon that looks like a box of crayons threw up on it.  There’s a term for that sort of fursona, but I can’t recall it right now, or enough of it to google up the term.

Damn, I sound old and crotchety, don’t I?  Like I should be waving a shotgun and telling them damn kids to get off my lawn.  Meh, who needs a shotgun when you’re like 20 feet tall, armored with scales, and have teeth and claws? 😀  Forget the breath weapon though, that’s never really gelled well with me – to the point I joke about the “IoW Spirit” one I use in my av as my breath just being minty fresh.

I guess that’s enough ranting for now.  I’m feeling better, and it’s time to post the next batch of stories.  Oh, and Singles Awareness Day is coming up, so remember to hit the stores the day after for lots of cheap chocolate!