Tag Archive for taur

Body Tension

Couple months later, and I actually have a topic to ruminate about again!  At least, something more than just art posts.

Last night for the first time in a while i experienced what I’m thinking of calling “body tension.”  It could possibly be considered a form of dysphoria, but usually when I’m encountering this, there aren’t any phantom sensations to go with it, so I don’t know if it really counts.

It manifests itself as a kind of restlessness. At least, that’s the best way I can think of to put it. When I’m feeling like this, nothing really satisfies me until I find a way to address this formless NEED.  It’s kind of like when you really, really need to go piss, but you don’t know where the restroom is and have to hold it and bear it or go looking for one.

As for the need itself?  Usually, it is a need to leave this body and manifest myself in another form. Typically, it’s been in regards to my dragon self – a need to BE dragon.  Second Life has often been an outlet for this in the past, as I can log in and, though it’s not a perfect representation, stroll around as my dragon self.

Last night, however, it was full-on chakat, partly triggered probably by a twitter post I made earlier in the day. I considered Second Life, as I do have a chakat avatar there(like with my draconic appearance, my chakat ‘sona originated from there as well) but the last time I logged on and looked around most of the furry-oriented places I knew no longer existed. I don’t know of any live chakat communities either… last time I looked I found a taur group on telegram, but it’s on and off active and tends to not have a lot discussed beyond art sharing.

This left me in not much of a good place in regards to dealing with it.  I considered pulling out a space game, since Swift is a pilot and I thought maybe getting into that headspace may help, but Freelancer didn’t feel like a good fit, and while I’ve been considering Elite Dangerous, I don’t have it yet.  Privateer 2 has the same issue as both of them also, where thanks to cutscenes and other things you have an obviously human avatar, which would be harder to ignore when you have a NEED to not be human. Resorting to some chakat-related, ah, “tension relief” helped a bit in the end though, which let me distract myself with ESO for a bit longer until bed.

When I got into bed however, actual dysphoria finally hit, at least mildly. Phantom breasts, forelegs and lower torso, even a bit of feline head, all at once.  The timing worked out though, since I was able to indulge in it before rolling over to completely go to sleep, and this morning things were back to normal.

I still find it odd, though.  As I’ve said in the past, there’s quite a few chakat qualities that I feel I lack, such as the fact I tend to pairbond in a draconic way when in a relationship, rather than go full poly like a typical chakat.  Male bits also don’t interest me(unless it’s mine, or I can picture mine in their place), and like my core dragonself, I parse myself as male. To be fair, Swiftwind heavily favors hir male side though due to this – though pilot ego/cockiness is also a factor.

On an amusing side note, even though I lean more towards Fluttershy’s personality in expression, art of my dragonself and my chakat both tend to smugness. Maybe if I hadn’t had some of the experiences I did as a child, I would be more inclined towards that?

Still, if I were allowed to choose a different body, and if my dragon body was not an option, I think I’d find the chakat body satisfactory, and still more desirable than my human one.  I’d just have to watch out for revolving doors and turnstiles, and get my car seat removed!

I do wonder if there was some part of me that did realize that shi was still a part of me before I re-accepted hir over the past year. Though I still refer to hir in the third person fine(while referring to my dragonself as something other than me feels wrong) I think there was a small irrational fear that shi could displace my dragon identity in much the way it led me to abandon my chakat ‘sona when I first discovered my draconity. That’s partly why I distanced myself from hir originally, and even gave hir a mate when I wrote her into a story, as I’d resisted doing this previously because I don’t like the idea of making up mates for something that’s a representation of myself when I don’t actually have one. That was partially how shi became a pilot too.

To come back around, this sort of tension doesn’t happen that often and usually doesn’t stick around for more than a day or so. I’m not super-attached to this body other than it being the only one I have, which is probably related.  After all, in my non-expert opinion dysphoria comes in part from when our mental image and maps of ourselves don’t sync up with the physical reality, and then our brain tries to merge the two which then gives the phantom sensations.  Same idea as how someone who loses a limb may still sometimes feel it there, as his mental image of himself still has said limb, even if it no longer exists. And I do know the me in the mirror is logically me, but emotionally it doesn’t feel like me.

That is one thing I found interesting about Second Life, is that some folk tended to use it to create an idealized version of themselves. Particularly with the human avatars, though there are others who would change avatars like they do clothes. Something like this, combined with VR if it can ever properly be harnessed, could lead to a good solution to address this sort of need or dysphoria when it can’t be addressed in the real world i.e. anything non-human.

Until then, we just have to live with it, I guess.

*Blows the dust off*

Well, it’s certainly been a while since I updated this.  that’s the problem between meaning to do something and actually doing it I guess.  While I haven’t had any deep writings to warrant writing about here, I have gotten some art since.  Then I finally get an idea for something I want to write about, but when I came back to check on it, I found out I’d already written just about everything I was already planning to write on this!  So I guess I’ll make this a more general update post then.

Rolling the Dice

Still haven’t found a new gaming group and the LFGS I used to go to closed earlier in the year so no way to find a game that way either. The play-by-post Pathfinder game I was in with Jasmine died off as the GM had life issues, and the 4th ed D&D play-by-post has basically been on pause since December – funnily enough the only people still responding right now are the GM, me, and the other player that I had my initial intro thread with. Not sure what’s going to happen there yet, as the GM has not clarified what he wants to do as we were about to go into an encounter.

I got back into WoW with a female Tauren frost death knight using the white and blue skin – I mean it was just begging to be Frost in those colors! I got into a raid guild my dad was running with already, and when I actually started raiding with them I was blowing up the charts DPS-wise a lot! Cleared a lot of content and raids, and even got the challenge appearance for the Frostmourne swords on her, but raiding fell apart near the end between people wanting harder progression, a few folk who couldn’t do mechanics, and people showing up.  I did part of the Antorus raid, but I had to move WoW to a VM because it kept crashing in WINE for some reason I couldn’t figure out.  This of course made it significantly more annoying to do anything with, but performance was still great, despite it stressing my 5-year-old computer to the max.

Black Friday weekend though I saw that Elder Scrolls Online was available with Morrowind for 50% off.  I’d heard that it ran fine in WINE now, and had been eyeing it, just waiting on a sale like this to pick it up.  So I bought it, threw it on my 1TB SSD, and tried it in WINE.  Once I got past the launcher patcher sucking and redownloading many many GB again, I found it was working great, with the only glitch being the first and water textures glitching a bit, which was unsettling at first but something I could live with. While it took me a bit to wrap my head around how the skills worked, as it was fairly different from any other Elder Scrolls game, the rest of it felt like a legitimate TES game, compared to everything I heard about how it was at launch.  A double XP event started shortly after, and away I went!

As a side note, ESO is largely to blame for why I’ve been quieter in all my other channels, Twitter, Discord, and Telegram among them. There’s just SO MUCH to do! And I mean beyond just the daily stuff, though that’s a time-eater too.  I’ll actually probably come back to this later, or make a separate post about it.  Probably the latter, since I’d like to talk about my characters and stuff.

Funnily enough, I haven’t felt the urge to go back to WoW at all since I picked up ESO, and it was right after I paid for 3 months time.  Too bad you don’t get anything beyond access in WoW, like how ESO gives cash shop currency so unused time isn’t wasted.  Ah well.

Being Social

My social life is fairly unchanged from where it has been as well. Thanks to that WoW guild I finally had a reason to get Discord running regularly, and I got sort of involved with the draconity.org Discord.Iv’e been less present there due to the previously mentioned ESO eating most of my free time, but I’m keeping a claw in.  I also joined a “server for dragon singles” but honestly haven’t paid any attention to it – first due to the D.org chat being more interesting, and then due to ESO. Still single and open though for any interested dragonesses!

As far as meatspace, as I said, with no gaming group I don’t have anything besides work and shopping that gets me out of the house.  Would like this to change eventually, but with no FLGS there’s not much out there to get me out of the house, and as I mentioned in a previous post I have to keep furry/dragon stuff on the DL around work folks, and I’m finding I did enjoy not having to tone that down around friends when I did have the group of local friends I hung out with.

Department of Post Corrections

Finally, there’s a couple addendums and updates I’d like to make or add to existing posts.

Buried Seeds of the Future

http://starfox.net/remembrance-of-days-gone-by/ )

It’s a Transformation Revelation!

I did eventually get that commission I was pondering, leaving Swiftwind out of it due to how shi became her own thing and how shi didn’t really fit thematicly.

Gender Changers

http://starfox.net/trans-is-not-a-gender/ )

I’d like to re-address this more contentious post as well. Since I wrote this a year ago, I’ve seen a different slice of the trans culture, so to speak, by way of Twitter, and the perspective there seems vastly different from what I saw on the Transformers forum I mentioned. While there no doubt are trans folks who just want to be their target gender, and do NOT want to be called trans, just man or woman, there is a segment of non-binary folks that have adopted trans as a way of describing their gender rather than relying on any of the (fetishized) other descriptors of the in-between states.

So yeah, some trans folks don’t want that to be considered their gender, while some do, and as a self-chosen label, it is their right to ask to be called that, and in that respect I was wrong.  I suppose it’s all just a bit of a mess.

In general, genderized descriptors and genders themselves seem to be in major flux as the english language and Western society tries to figure out how to handle the long tail of gender expression. Gender constructs have been useful to a society in general as it allowed folks to get a quick grasp or mental picture of someone when discussing or reading them.  Men have a certain general look, as do women, and pronouns have been standardized over hundreds of years to take advantage of it.

Now, with gender being looked at as a spectrum, some folk just try to find the standard pronoun closest to where they fall, wile others have revived the singular “they” for a neutral approach, while still others sought to create one that tries to express themselves rather than using any of the standard ones, expressing in language what they are already expressing physically and mentally.  This sort of breaks the entire purpose of pronouns however, as it’s a coin toss whether anyone outside certain circles can even make sense of the many pronouns out there. It’s no more informative to those people than the singular “they”.  Heck, I’ve had people confused by my use of “shi/hir” in referance to chakat characters in furry circles, and that’s been in use for many many years among furries for herms! (Also the lesser used sie, but I always preferred shi as sie is also a pronoun in German, thus room for confusion.)

As I see it, eventually things will standardize out, either by the lesser used pronouns dieing off from lack of use much like ‘sie’ did, or being slowly adopted by the general population via general knowledge.  Until then, all I can say(and do) is be flexible, respect people’s choices in self-expression whether you think them stupid and offensive or not, and just do you.

‘Kats Gonna ‘Kat

http://starfox.net/chakat-thoughts/ )

Finally, I want to wrap this up with some more self reflection on my own alternative gender self, Chakat Swiftwind. Pretty much everything I said previously still stands, in that I acknowledge shi is indeed a reflection of myself, but not the primary “me.” As I put it not too long ago, I am a dragon OS running on human hardware via driver emulation, and said dragon OS is also acting as a hypervisor for a chakat VM that tends to crash due to missing libraries. (The missing libraries in question are the chakat traits I do not possess myself, which “breaks” the chakat presentation a bit.)

I was actually reminded of the latter part when I did a bit of RPing with another chakat. Shi was a lot more of a snuggler than I tend to be these days, tending towards those things rather than discussion, though some of that wasn’t so bad.  Especially when things got intimate, though our interests diverged far enough in that respect that it seems to have died out pretty fast after that.

While I still haven’t really been able to do much with hir, I did finally, after probably too many years, get hir a real reference sheet!

Yes, there is an uncensored version too

The corset and leather jacket have already sort of become hir “default” outfit, but as shi is or was Star Fleet in the chakatverse for a time, I got a bust shot added as well, since I didn’t have any pictures of hir in that. The handpaw shot is for artists not familiar with chakats, which was a lot more than I realized – but then chakat numbers have been on the decline for years.

Funnily enough, right before I got the “real” referance sheet I was able to get an image by the artist I consider to be the defining one for chakats, Kacey Miyagami! She was doing an experimental flat color sketch, and it happened to fall within my budget range, so I jumped right on it.

Lookin’ sharp

Even though the only judge of what is “official” is Goldfur hirself, it still helps me feel a bit more “official” just having been drawn by Kacey, at least among the community.

Speaking of “Official,” I’m still of two minds about how Goldfur is integrating hir MLP fanfic-verse and the Chakatverse.  The Chakatverse started out as an imitation Star Trek, but quickly became it’s own thing to the point where Goldfur retconned some earlier stuff that had fanficc-y, for lack of a better word, ties to other things. Shi also explained hir own take on certain tech concepts which were fairly different.

Hir MLP fics on the other hand, while they do their own thing, specifically use canon characters such as Twilight Sparkle. They are undeniably fanfic at this point, and with hir current crossover story, they’re also directly tied into the future of the chakatverse. If it wasn’t for the canon characters being involved, I’d probably feel better about it, but it’s hir creation and shi can do what shi wants with it anyways.  The bit of story I wrote with chakatverse Swiftwind however was set in around the same time period… shortly before everything went south, but if I write any more I have to factor that in now as well, or just plain go my own way.  Since I’m playing in hir playground anyways with a chakat, I’m obviously going with the latter – though I’d prefer otherwise!

Probably my other disappointment is that I can’t really do much with hir outside of online – with the fur-friendly group I was hanging with gone, and work not really a good environment for it, I’m stuck with expressing hir online. Since dragons are fairly common and I’m among old school gamers, I can get away with putting up a few of my tame pieces on the wall at work, and I’ve even toed the line by using my dragon icons for avatars on a few programs. Can’t do that though with Swiftie.  Even if it was fairly neutral to fur, chakats would have their own baggage of sorts that a generic furry wouldn’t have to deal with.

 

That’s probably enough for now, so I’ll leave it at that.  Maybe my next post will come a little sooner than six months later!

Chakat Thoughts

Chakat Swiftwind

‘Kats gonna ‘kat.

So I’d like to discuss this sexy piece of pinup art I got from @Inkrend recently.  (Side note:  This is the SFW version – my furry art galleries have the NSFW version.)

First a little bit of history.  Back when I was foxing around on Second Life, I got introduced to ‘taurs and found them somewhat fascinating.  Researching them led to the chakat universe, which took some of the basic concepts of Star Trek and re-spun them with a furry bent.

The chakat race is a race of feline hermaphrodite taurs, with a primarily female appearance, created by Bernard Doove a.k.a. Goldfur.  I believe this was among the first of the “original” furry species to really take off in popularity- which eventually led to others such as Sergals and Dutch Angel Dragons.

Anyways, I thought a bit about what I would be like if I was a chakat, and decided to actually create hir to “reserve” the character and name.  I ended up fully embracing hir for probably close to a year as my fursona, before awakening to dragonhood.

A bit over a year ago I revived hir to be a character in a story I had written, and establish a  place for hir in the chakat universe.  This led to a few more art pieces, which I’ve previously shared and a renewed personal interest in hir as a character.

While the previous art pieces I’ve gotten have been great, a minor pet peeve has been that they’ve never gotten hir bust size quite right.  Shi is supposed to have fairly large breasts, but none of hir depictions have really shown it well.  This one, on the other hand, does.

Another thing I like about this is that I get an impression of maleness as well, which is very fitting for a hermaphrodite in general, and hir in specific, as shi tends to lean more towards hir male side.  It may just be me, or it may not have been intentional, but combined with the fact it actually got hir bustline right this is the best depiction of hir yet!

This actually also inspired a re-evaluation as well of how I’ve been representing myself.  I know there are some that have multiple characters, while others have an identity tied to a single representation of themselves.  I myself fall into the latter category, with my dragon self being in all ways a reflection of my inner being.

Basically, I considered that if I had gotten this picture earlier, would it have made a difference?  At heart, I still believe that I am dragon, and after consideration, I don’t believe I have the right mindset to truly be a chakat, unlike some others I know out there.  Chakats are naturally polyamorous – they have multiple mates at any given time, and jealousy is something that is not natural to them.  As hermaphrodites, they are also naturally bi, though they may have individual preferences towards one side or the other, much as single-gendered folk have preferences for certain parts of the body.

As much as I could see the above art representing me, and with how aware I am of my feminine side, I unfortunately fit neither of those qualifications.  To start with, I had the opportunity to explore how I felt about both genders online by playing a herm, and male anatomy just doesn’t excite me.  Herms that I have found attractive have been mostly due to their female attributes.

Secondly, I am also definitely not polyamorous.  If I consider someone my mate, they are mine and I would not feel comfortable about them screwing other people – though to be fair this goes both ways.  I also would not feel comfortable screwing someone else while being in a relationship.  I don’t have any problem with open mateships in and of themselves; they’re just not for me.

Chakats are also fairly even-tempered.  While I can be in general, I’ve gotten rather angry at times.  My temper is overall far more draconic than it is chakat.

All that aside, I could see myself playing hir online again at some point, but ultimately shi is a much smaller aspect of my being than my dragon self, and barring being more active on Second Life again, there’s not much of an opportunity for me to do much besides write about hir or get art.  If the opportunity presents itself though, shi’s definitely on my short list, and I would love to be able to play hir in a Traveller campaign or something similar.

And I finally have a picture I can point to without qualifications and say “That’s hir!”

Digital Doppelgangers

I’m actually in a rather bemused state of mind as I write this.  You see, I recently got some arts(which I’ll post at the end of this) and I usually make a habit of backtracking on people who fav or watch me on FA to see if they have anything favorited or submitted that I might want to fav and save.  Especially recently, when I was looking for chakat artists, and found not very many that had an artstyle I liked.

To digress, a good way I’ve found to find artists of a particular subject matter is find notable furries(or popufurs I guess is the slang) of that type and see who they commissioned.  That’s one of the reasons I don’t think it’s a bad thing that some artists give “popufurs” free art – it acts as free advertising!

Anyways, as I was about to close out, I saw a porn piece with a very familiar-looking chakat in it, so I followed it up.  On closer examination, it looked almost exactly like my chakat character, but the name was different!  There was no link to any account however, but now I was wondering if someone had taken my arts and rebranded them as theirs; especially since that chakat’s name was fairly close in nomenclature to mine.

This actually happens more of then than you might think in the furry world, though more often it’s someone claiming to be an artist that drew such rather than stealing the character, but character theft has been known to happen before.  Let me finish the story though before I get into what I want to say on that.

I tried a search on FA and found a couple other pics, but again no account, so as a last resort I tried google.  That led me to another DA pic that had been removed at some point.   Now the pic I had stumbled on was a very recent upload, so the chakat in question had to still be active somewhere, but I was running out of links.  Finally, I found a reddit post from a few months ago that explained it all.

Basically, the guy got in on a free art thread but didn’t have a ref sheet, so he pointed the artist at an old pic of mine and listed a few changes that were different about his.  It was just a case of the artist not catching everything(which is understandable on freebie art) and that just getting propogated.

That old pic he referred to was a bit off(though close enough and good enough at the time!) and since then I’ve made another small change myself; more an emphasizing of a trait on that character that I hadn’t before(and I don’t mean breast size!).

End result is there are two snow leopard ‘kats out there with purple hair and wind-based names – just one(mine) ties hirs up sometimes and has blue eyes and a stripe along hir back, while the other has a darker purple, purple eyes, and no stripe.  It just that at least one or two of the artists shi’s commissioned have missed that(mostly the eyes) and at first blush the ‘kat int eh picture could be mistaken for my character.

To be fair though, I haven’t been active much in the chakat online community for years; not since I woke to my inner dragon.  I only recently decided to revive and revamp my chakat character as an actual separate character, rather than as a ‘sona/identity at my internal muse’s prodding, hence the couple recent pieces of art.  That was aprt fo teh reason I thought shi might have been appropriated.

Anyways, like I said it left me slightly bemused. It could have been coincidence, but in this case it was more inspiration I think, and not that far off from what a lot of fan characters do: take some traits and file off the serial numbers.  And I’m fairly sure this chakat isn’t a helmsman on a Stellar Federation cruiser, and shi definitely doesn’t have a Starwalker stellar foxtaur mate, both of which apply to mine – once I can get the story written!

It’s just a bit of a strange feeling to be looking through pictures and find porn that looks 95% like you(or my character in this point), with a different name.  Not quite Rule 34 territory, but edging there.

It also brings to mind other issues, such as the fact some doppelgangers could end up out there by chance!  With how many red foxes are out there for example, it’d be fairly easy to describe one decently and end up matching at least a half-dozen.  If it wasn’t for the purple hair(which isn’t too common in and of itself) and the chakat community being so small, I probably wouldn’t have thought anything of it, or at least enough to track down why shi looked like my chakat.

Sadly though, I’ve heard stories of more popular folks having their characters or ‘sonas copied wholesale.  Usually this results in the actual owner posting something which gets the word out, and approaching the admin on the site of the copy.

I’ve also heard at least one story of someone trying to “buy” someone else’s ‘sona.  That didn’t even used to be a thing way back when, but then the idea of “adoptables” went big i.e. buying pre-made characters.  I never got that anyways, but there are some folks I guess who see a character design and jsut fall in love with it.

But as someone else pointed out, in regular society you get told who you are, while in furry you tell everyone else.  In a world where identity is that fluid, where does identity theft, as such, fall?  Just something to think about.

And now, I leave you with chakat arts!

Swiftwind dancing on the Rec Deck of the FSS Excalibur

Swiftwind dancing on the Rec Deck of the FSS Excalibur

Swiftwind in a fancy flight suit

Swiftwind in a fancy flight suit

Late-night rambling returns!

I’ve actually had a couple posts I’ve wanted to do in the pipeline, but various things have conspired to prevent me from following through on them.  Various things in large part being WoW. <..<

Anyways, there’ll still be a year -in-review post at some point, and I also have a Transformer-like race to use in Pathfinder to post, but this isn’t either of those.  This is a catch-up, and maybe some rambling on random topics, for the first time in a while!

If you don’t care about WoW, feel free to skip a few paragraphs. XP

First, the WoW situation has kind of sorted itself out.  The two guilds de-merged, and Chocolate Disco went back to a lot more casual schedule.  I’ve ended up on the regular Mythic team, but not quite made Core, which I’m fine with.  I know there’s better players than me – only reason to wish I was Core is so I would have a higher cap on guild repairs for progression nights!

Especially after I went and made myself broke.  I’ve basically completed the follower minigame on my main until 6.1, and there’s nto much to do towards raiding outside raids at the moment.  So, I finally went back to see what I missed in minipets, since I had that mostly done before my break, and was surprised that they hadn’t added that much.  I saw some TCG pets I was missing up for relatively cheap, and there was now ay I was going to go through Molten Core any more times to try for that pet, so I went and bought myself into brokeness.  Worse, I haven’t been able to engage the revenue stream I had been using as I needed to make some upgrades for myself for crafted pieces for my monk alt and for a piece where RNG turned out to hate me on my main.  End result though is that I just need to get about 8 more pets and I’ll have every pet I can get that’s not a CE pet, Blizzcon pet, or a pet only available in another country.  At least until 6.1!

As for why I -need- to gear my alt, originally I was planning on raiding with both guilds, with all the time sinks that entails.  There’s folks I like in both guilds and I wanted to keep running with both(not to mention it’s a bit of a rush to realize that I’m in the raid team of the top guild on the server!) so I was going to use my alt to run Disco raids.  Then it turned out they kind of raid on the same days.

I say kind-of because the second Disco night is the same night as what is supposed to be an alt run, but I’ve had a couple gear holes that have forced me to run my main in said alt runs for more gear.  That’s solved now though until Blackrock releases, so I’ll be able to roll with them for at least a couple weeks finally.

Aside from WoW, I’m moving into a different position that’s more internal facing and engineering oriented at work.  I’m still having to deal with some stuff here and there that isn’t, but that’s the life of a sysadmin, and my boss has a very healthy philosophy on outside-normal-hours work: keep it to a minimum.  It’s a philosophy I’m in heavy agreement with, as after some of my contracting I make it a point to grab on tight to my free time, including lunch breaks and only work on either if there is no other way.  I have pushed back on scheduling before because of workload, but that’s less of an issue in my new position.

My muse has finally spoken up again though, and revived one of my former identities as a separate character: Chakat Swiftwind lives again(sorta).  Where my dragon is me though, Swiftie is a separate character, more along the lines of my various RPG characters.  There may not be much distinction between the two for a lot of furries, but there is for me and that’s the important part.  Part of that is I finally have an idea of who shi is: a hotshot pilot, whether it be starship or starfighter… though given the chakat universe doesn’t have a lot of interstellar conflict, shi’s pretty much a starship jock at the moment in my mind.

I tried using Traveller to put together a background history for hir, but it left a bit to be desired, as there are some differences naturally between the two universes.  I also was a bit confused about the difference between StarFleet and Star Corps in that universe, so I had to do a quick rewrite to fit with my mental idea of where shi is in the “present” which unfortunately has left some parts of hir past vague now for the moment.

As to what prompted me, I had a strong mental image of hir in a cockpit, hands on controls and handpaws on even more controls.  Granted, as a ship’s helmsman on a long-range exploration ship shi may not get to do that, but there’s pinnances and such shi may have to fly for some reason; not to mention shi may be able to make that ship do tricks its builders hadn’t even thought of.

Part of that also gave me the idea and framework for a story, and it even fits well to the typical framework of a Star Trek episode!  After I fleshed out some identities of other folks shi’d be interacting with regularly though, I found myself without the time to actually start writing it.  There’s also a couple things i’m not sure about now because I want to stick to that “Star Trek episode” feeling, but I want it to be hir story, not a story about the bridge crew of the ship shi’s on.

Another thing is that my original idea necessitates some ship-to-ship combat, which is where I run into another issue.  In Star Trek’s universe, there’s other star empires to be handy antagonists.  The chakat universe’s Steller Federation on the other hand has no real enemies, just some pirates pretty much and everyone else in their stellar neighborhood is buddy-buddy with them.  On top of that, StarFleet ships in the chakatverse have people trained for First Contact and this is a Big Thing, as opposed to Star Trek where they meet half the new civilizations over laser fire, and the other half they try not to even make contact with because of the Prime Directive.

The fact that First Contact is huge, and that I’m technically playing in someone else’s playground, makes me leery of introducing a new alien race of any sort to be antagonists. Pretty much the only way to make it work would be for the alien race to be truly alien(which is hard) as most of the Federation races have been of similar mindsets, make the new race be scream-and-leap like the Kzinti, or have what attacks them be automated.  None of those are truly ideal, and with how big First Contact is, a botched one, even if nothing could be done, would be a huge black mark I would imagine.  So I’m stuck on that plot point and it’s a major one for the original story idea I had.

Back on the topic of mental images though, there were a couple others that came to mind that I wanted to see made real, so I’ve started getting art again.  I had a ton of Transformers come in recently, but thankfully it was end of December so technically it was part of last year’s budget.  I’ve already blown past my tentative marker for January’s non-essentials budget though with the two pieces I have coming, even with that.

I’d actually wanted to get art of Swiftwind last year, but I never really got around to finding taur artists besides Kacey and trying to get it done.  This time, I actually found a few artists, but was surprised how few good taur artists I was able to find, though I did stumble on another recently thanks to Twitter(and which prompted the second art piece I have inbound eventually).  Right now I just have nothing I really want drawn of -me- except maybe a new icon.  Problem there is I don’t have a theme in mind or a specific artist to do a dragicon, so that’s on hold at the moment.

I actually have a third piece in mind too, and the artist I’d like to do it is opening for commissions soon, so I’m waiting to see if I can snag a slot there.  As long as I’m getting pics done of my (other) characters, I figured I’d get a pic of a major Pathfinder character I’ve been trying to be able to play – my Dark Tapestry Oracle, who happens to be a black-furred kitsune with a gypsy theme.

I’ve actually gotten the chance to game again, which allowed me to bring her up again and play her, though this is one of those campaigns where the DM looked at the (non-MMO)Elder Scrolls games’ laughable attempts at balance and thought it was way too restrictive in power level.  On one hand, it’s letting me pull out the stops, but on the other it’s feeling more like a power fantasy than RP and I feel like I’m not actually really playing so much as waiting to see what the next huge power boost is.  On the other hand, they were already high level when I joined, but that doesn’t help when advancement is still this rapid.  I can always use her again in a different campaign I suppose that’s a bit more sane.

The other campaign this group is running though definitely isn’t it.  While they’re playing through an adventure path, the characters are more like a Marvel What If? comic instead.  Since restraint on concept was already thrown to the wind, I sat down with the Advanced Race Guide and figured out how to build a Transformer, and got the GM to approve it!  I’ll be posting it at some point, but I still need to make the actual character.  I’m thinking bomb alchemist may be fitting.

I sort of wish there was a Traveller campaign going, so I could see if I could slip in my conversion of the chakat race too and make Swiftie in that.  Of course, then I’d probably have to answer some questions about where hir race comes from.  I usually don’t flaunt furry stuff outside of the areas of the internets where its common or such, but the group I’m playing with again in RL would probably have no problem with it, considering what some of them are into.  Wouldn’t help though with other groups…

When I thought about getting the art of Swiftwind though, I realized I didn’t have any real good referances.  The only color drawn pic didn’t give hir a large enough bust(and yeah, my motives for hir having a large rack probably are less than pure if I actually sat and thought about it) and the rest were just sketches. I did have the Second Life pics form the last revamp I did to my SL av of hir, but hir upper body was out of proportion in that.  So, now that mesh bodies are a thing, I went looking to see if I could find a larger base body to use for the upper torso.

I didn’t find any that were just larger, but I found some that looked more natural and/or more shapely, and when I tried a demo I found to my delight that it worked just fine with my taur anims.  The first one though was no-mod and you ahd to apply to be able to make skin appliers for it so I had to look elsewhere.  I foudn another one that was almost as good, AND a lot cheaper, and was mod-friendly!  As a bonus, it also gave hir breasts a more natural shape and increased the amount hey could scale.  Of course, the slider setting I had needed to use before with the default SL body resulted in nuclear torpedo warheads with this body, so I was actually able to scale it down to get hir chest to be the right size I envisioned.

Since I was stuck in terms of upper-to-lower-body ratio though, I decided to try scaling the lower body down a bit.  I’d originally had the height set to max for scale purposes in SL, but proportions were more important now and scale is jacked in SL anyways.  It actually wasn’t too difficult to finally get hir body properly proportioned in general once I tried.  Then it was snapshot time!

While I was starting to put it together, I had the bright idea to go with a LCARS theme, and I ended up blowing an entire Saturday with putting together the template, coloring it, and retaking shots I found out were at bad angles, but it gave me a good ref sheet finally for hir, and it’s already getting used for the two new pieces I have coming.

Iv’e been tempted a time or two to take hir out for a whirl on SL, but I don’t know what I’d do with hir.  WoW and work keep me busy enough that I wouldn’t want to commit to a regular RP, and for my regular hanging out I’d rather be my dragon self.  I could go hunt up furry sex clubs, but that lost its appeal a long while ago.  If I just want word porn I can write it myself(and probably do a better job!) and for anything beyond that, well, that’s one thing relationships can bring to the table – and there it’s sex because of the love, not love for the sex.

Also looking back other than the sidegrade into a RP character, Swiftwind really doesn’t fit as an identity so much as a fantasy.  Whether or not I used to be more cuddly, I’ve found that I don’t really care as much for random hugs and snugglings and such anymore from strangers, and that sort of closeness is a natural thing for chakats.  Since they’re natural empaths they’re very informal and very sensual, for reasons which make a lot of sense when you look at it.

That also leads into the whole chakat style of mating and courtships.  While I like the idea of the different levels(Companion/Denmate/Lifemate) and think that could work well, chakats tend to have multiple mates and love everyone, and I’m serially monogamous.  Once I give my heart and loyalty, that’s it.  Maybe I’m jsut old-fashioned.  I could maybe see a threesome working if the other two were both female and some circumstances worked out, but in general I have one mate and that’s that.

Being a hermaphrodite also is integral to the even general idea of chakats, but not something I could see myself as anymore.  The idea may be fun to play with, in that you could RP either a male or female role with the same character, depending on mood and partner, but I am definitely not bi, which is almost a requirement for that to be part of your identity.  If nothing else, my (lack of) reaction to all the penis pics that showed up on my Twitter AD account’s timeline proved that to myself – and that’s ignoring the time I did try to use a chakat as my identity.

I supose, going back to what I said earlier about my reasons for hir chest size, that it’s in part a fusion of myself with one of the representations of my potential ideal mate.  Self and fantasy in one, so that either you can be the one doing, or you can mentally put yourself in the other person’s shoes while playing the female role when it comes to the more adult activities; and all without changing characters.

While I’m mentioning AD and dick pics, that’s something I’ve noticed a lot of.  People taking pictures of just their bits, which frankly gets pretty boring.  You’ve seen one, you’ve seen most of them, girls included.  Most of the actually hot pictures include more of the body, body language, expression and so on.

Then again, maybe it’s just because I’m older and have my sexual urges more under control, since most of said folks are several years younger.  I’ll admit I can think with the wrong head at times, but it seems like (effectively) going into rut isn’t that often an occurrance for me.  Heck, just look at when I’ve posted adult stories fairly close together, and you can get an idea.

I’m actually feeling tired now, and this is one of the longest entries I’ve written in a while so I guess I’ll leave you with the art piece I got most recently, from right around the new year.  Enjoy!

Lookin' Cute, Feelin' Cute